It seems that each day brings me a crossroads of some kind. Turn left or right? Continue or stop? Speed up or slow down? Many times, I choose to be right, continue on and go as fast as possible. Those choices are rarely done for the right reasons. Instead they are made to please others, avoid conflict or keep things the same.
But, my choices are different now. Slowly (because I’m a bit hard headed), I’m learning to how to manage these crossroads moments so I make the best decisions for me and my family.
In June, I made a difficult decision to take a break from my original blog, The Integrated Mother. When I bought that domain back in 2005, I had visions of writing a book of the same title. My book would give inspiration and hope to the dog-tired working moms who longed to have a career and enjoy a life of meaning. But I digress…
Over the years, my dream to write that book was sidelined and sidetracked with the usual things of life – family, work, finances, etc. While writing my manuscript became a sidelined dream, my desire to write was still strong. So The Integrated Mother evolved into what is commonly known as a “mommy blog” and suddenly I was dubbed a “mommy blogger.” With that came the cool invites to corporate HQs around the country, trips to fun places and freebies galore. I got sucked into the allure of something I never intended to be a part of and suddenly I became disenchanted with my blog as PR firms and corporate brands pursued me – luring me to pimp their goods. It just felt dirty.
So in June, I decided to walk away from The Integrated Mother. I needed a break to refresh and uncover my passion for it. Somewhere in all the mommy blogging buzz my blog turned from passion project to cheap ad space and frankly, I wasn’t getting paid enough to be that miserable about it!
But I left my departure open telling my readers:
At this point, I do not have a definitive return date. It may be a few weeks, a few months, or this blog may lay dormant indefinitely. That path is not yet clear, but the choice to take a break is.
I was satisfied in my choice for weeks. Of course, I was busy moving my family from Arizona to California so maybe I just didn’t have to think about the decision either. Then, as if by perfect design, I was lured back in with a ultra-cool new project being launched for bloggers that would change the way people shop online.
I was at another crossroads – restart my blog just to be a part of this project or continue on my blog sabbatical (that I was actually enjoying!). In my desire to be a part and in some ways please others, I said “yes” to the project and turned away from my stronger desire to continue on my break.
Interestingly enough, that cool new project was set to launch on The Integrated Mother today. And I was fully invested in making it happen, but it fell through. Somehow I was bumped off the list to participate. I was initially offended, but now grateful because when The Integrated Mother does return, I want it to be for the right reasons.
