I’m a worrier. When things go wrong, I worry. When things go right, I worry.
Worry is something that had held me captive for years binding me to the pain of anxiety, stress and depression. I know I worry more than most and I explained it away by saying, “I’m being practical. I have to consider all ‘What if…’ scenarios. It’s my responsibility.”
Yeah. That’s a lie. A trick of the mind intended to justify my worry. Worry really has no place in my life. Yes, I will face obstacles, challenges and uncertainty in my life. But those circumstances needn’t cause me to go into a worry-induced paralysis that stops me from moving forward.
I realized that yesterday when I was sitting with my girlfriends enjoying one last evening before we said “farewell” to Ms. C, who moved away this morning. She called me out on my worrying nature, as any great friend will do. And in that moment I recognized the powerful hold worry has had on my entire life, not just my immediate situation.
Despite my success in my career and my life, worry has always been hanging out along the sidelines sucking away my peace, my joy, my fulfillment … the list could go on.
I know I needn’t worry, “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own” (Matthew 6:34). I’ve read that scripture hundreds of times. I’ve seen evidence of God showing up in the midst of my worry to ensure that every single one of my needs is met, and often exceedingly. Yet, I continued to worry.
I realized last night that my worry was really something bigger … I wasn’t remembering God. When worry came upon me, all I could think about were the hundreds of “what if…” scenarios. Instead of turning to God, I turned to task lists, strategies and action plans. My answer to worry was frenzied activity.
Yet, my answer to worry is God. I know this. He has shown up to release me of my worry time and time again. I just need to remember and trust he’ll continue to do that for me.
Knowing that I’m a practical kind of woman, Ms. C suggested I come up with a code word – something to remind me of God’s mercy and grace whenever worry tried to cloud my thinking. After some thought and throwing out a few ideas, “flowing water” became my code word.
The water represents God’s faithful promise to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11). And “flowing” is how I will choose to be in the midst of worry. Rather than become rigid and tense, I will relax into God’s will and just flow.
So today, as I look ahead to some serious change and plenty of things to worry about, I feel peace and comfort. If worry rears its pesky head, I’ll drown it away with my flowing water.
